Hush

Somehow I can trust you through this darkness. As much as I fall into the trap of believing I need to give up, this part inside me (that part you left) won't let me. My entire chest aches. Someone asked me why my eyes are so sad. And yet I persevere in a way I never thought possible. Your silence says so much, but none of it I want to hear. Hope is something I never had much of before you. It seems you left even more of it behind. Please come and collect it. I am waiting.


I will always be waiting.

I'm so tired of wasting time without you.

When The World Gives Up On You

you give up on the world right back.

Hope has no Home Here

Endlessly searching for the right words for you to read and come back to me. I know they don't exist.

In my heart, I will never stop trying

" 'Cause livin' without you ain't really livin' "

-Jesse Custer

Everywhere You Go, So Does My Home

You bring me with you everywhere you go. You are my home. Being held by you feels more comfortable and warm than any blanket-on-a-couch-in-my-own-home ever will. You envelope me. I miss things we never got a chance to do. I play them out in my mind, forming them perfectly so that someday they may be a reality. I imagine the jokes I'd make on vacation and the way you'd kiss me after saying something particularly sweet. I think about you holding me while falling asleep, 3000 miles away from where we normally gravitate and feeling like there's no other place I would or should be. You are the only home I'll ever want. Without you, there is no home. Just numerous places to sleep, never enjoying the simple moments I used to relish. I try to leave this place untouched, as though nothing has changed. And truly, nothing has but the absence of you and this hole in my chest. This aching pain that never dulls for a second. So everything has changed. Everything and nothing. Everything is different when you're not here but you remain everything to me.

Sleep is not the cure

I think about you every night. I'd say dream but sleeping is no longer a luxury I much enjoy. I lay sprawled out across my bed, trying to make up for the space that you used to occupy. I close my eyes and replay every touch, kiss, laugh, and motion that was created in this bed. I close my eyes to avoid looking at everything in my room that makes me think of you. My life has become a vicious cycle of missing you. I miss you and your negative space. I miss the things you used to hate as much as the things you used to love. I can link anything to you. You are my nexus to the rest of the wicked world; I want no part of it without you.